Party Games
by Kalta79
Summary: Tifa and Rude have their own plans for a night at 7th Heaven and it all goes horribly wrong. This is a parody to try and get some unusual couples to get together


Tifa hurriedly closed the door to her office as the last guest arrived. "Okay ladies, you're all here because we share one common problem. We've had no luck catching the man of our choosing, so it's time to try something new." Tifa said as she walked to her desk where she had an ornately carved wooden box sitting on top.

She picked up the box and opened it. "Please put your vibrators in here, making sure you have the piece of paper attached to it with its name on it."

Aerith blushed as she walked up to the desk and put her vibrator named after Sephiroth in the box. Elena put her Tseng substitute in, Scarlet dumped her load of ones nicknamed after all the male Turks and Rufus in, and Yuffie tossed her Vincent vibrator in.

"Where's yours, Tifa?" Scarlet demanded to know. "You're playing too, aren't you?"

Tifa blushed harder than Aerith as she opened her secret desk drawer and took her Cloud substitute out and shoved it the box, and slammed the lid shut, then shook the box and walked over to Aerith.

"Now close your eyes and reach in and grab one." Tifa said as she opened the box. Once everyone else had one, she put the box back on the desk, then grabbed randomly into the box before closing it again. "Now you just have to read the nickname and figure out who it is, and try and score with him. They all should be here at the bar since it's Free First Drink Friday."

The women left Tifa's office, slipping the borrowed vibrator into their purses as they read the nickname on the slip of paper. Once they were all gone, Tifa read her pick. The Big Gun? Was that Barret? Tifa paled a little. He was like family to her, how could she try to have sex with him? Maybe this was karma's way of punishing her for not being honest. She didn't think she could put L'il Cloud on her vibrator, since everyone would know, so she put Skyman instead.

* * *

Rude sat at the bar, trying to figure out how to get Tifa alone. He had swiped a vial of a sex pheromone/aphrodisiac the lab rats were working on, and he had devised a sort of O-bomb that he wanted to activate when it was just the two of him, so he would get doused and she would find him irresistible.

Back at the laboratory, one of the interns was doing inventory when she noticed a discrepancy. Her superior noticed her puzzled expression and walked over to the storage wall.

"Is there a problem?" he asked.

"Yes sir, Vial 896 is gone." she replied, looking at her clipboard.

"Well, it's not anything that could cause an outbreak, it would just liven up a party. I presume that's why they took it, instead of Vial 896a which is just a single dose."

* * *

Elena looked at her slip of paper. _Teddy Bear_? Who the hell could be Teddy Bear? This was somewhat humiliating to her, but she agreed to it and a Turk always completed their mission.

Yuffie was relieved she got an easy one. _Big Red_ had to be Reno. She would have thought it was Vincent because of his cape, but that wasn't her nickname for the vibrator she used in place of him.

Aerith was nervous. The vibrator she picked had the name _Caped Crusader_ , and that had to be Vincent, but he wasn't here yet. Was she supposed to just hook up with whoever she could then?

Scarlet was disgusted. _Skyman_ must be Cid, and he was just dirty…dirty looking and dirty mouthed. Plus he was married…but there was no one else she could think of who could be Skyman.

"What do you think you're doing?" Tifa asked Elena, who was almost in Cloud's lap, and he really didn't seem to be paying attention to anything.

"I'm playing the game, what else?" Elena replied as Tifa dragged her away from Cloud. "He's got to be Teddy Bear, he's soft and lumpy."

"He's not Teddy Bear!" Tifa exclaimed.

"How do you know tha…OMG, he's your vibrator isn't he?"

"Shut up!" Tifa could feel her cheeks burning up with embarrassment.

"What did you name him then, L'il Cloud?" Elena taunted, putting special emphasis on L'il.

"I said shut up!" Tifa felt her cheeks get hotter still as shoved Elena.

"This was your stupid idea!" Elena went to punch Tifa but she ducked and Elena hit Scarlet instead.

" **Catfight**!" Reno yelled as he went to intervene, hoping he could get some ass as a reward.

Suddenly there was an entangled crowd in the middle of the room as all the patrons tried to either break up the fight or continue it. Rude suddenly realized his device was missing as he had a hold of Elena. He let go of her to look for it, and spotted it on the floor. He tried to grab it but it kept getting kicked around. Finally he had a hold of it when he felt a female body bump into him, and it flew out of his hand as he accidentally pressed the trigger button, and he watched with horror as it hit the ceiling fan as it detonated.

* * *

Reno woke up feeling extremely worn out. The first thing he noticed was Elena laying on top of him, then he realized there were half-naked couples strewn all over the bar. What happened last night? Elena woke up then, freezing as she felt Reno still inside her. Her body felt stiff and sore, but she also felt extremely relaxed as she sat up and looked around at what looked like an orgy interrupted by sleep.

"Uh…Elena?" Reno saying her name brought her attention momentarily back to him.

"What?" she asked distractedly.

"Do you mind?"

"Mind what? Oh!" Elena exclaimed as his hand caressed her firm bottom, and she realized that her movements while she was looking around had started initiating sex with him, and she was about to pull away when he put his hands on her hips.

"Would you at least finish what you started before you leave?"

Elena stared at him a moment until his roaming hands encouraged her to keep going. The remaining patrons woke up to Elena's cries of fulfillment. They looked on in shock as they watched the couple act like a pair of bunnies in heat, then focused their attention on whoever they woke up with.

Tifa felt terribly groggy, and she went to push her hair out of her face, then realized it wasn't her hair. Focusing her eyes, she found herself draped against Tseng, her head nestled against his shoulder. She put her hands on his firm naked chest to push herself up, trying to see who else was still in the bar. She spotted Scarlet tangled up in Vincent's cape, Rude and Yuffie seemed to be smiling at each other while having some kind of conversation, and Cloud was still snoring while Aerith was trying to wake him up. Once everyone was awake and fully dressed, they stood in a semi-circle looking at Tifa for an explanation, so no one noticed Rude sneaking quietly out.

"Free First Drink Friday is permanently cancelled!" Tifa announced.

* * *

A year later, Rude was knee-deep in diapers. Reno had found remnants of the device and had figured everything out, so when Tifa, Yuffie, and Aerith had ended up pregnant, he was stuck with babysitting all the children, including his own. Rude was just glad Elena had an implant, so he didn't have to face her wrath as well. Though he still wasn't sure why Tifa had ended up throwing a wooden box of vibrators at him after her pregnancy was confirmed.


End file.
